I work at KPCC for the show AirTalk. I pitched Joe Wagner’s crusade to see more women on shows in Los Angeles as a story segment. They liked it, so we’ll be doing it live from 12:20 to 12:40pm PST. Joe Wagner, Brandie Posey and Jeff Wattenhofer will all be on to discuss this. Please listen in and, better yet, call in to 866 893 5722. This is the first and last time I’ll say this: I want to hear your opinions.
For those of you that didn’t watch President Obama’s State of the Union address last night here are some of my favorite parts from it.
“I want America to be a magnet for jobs, but I also want America to literally be a magnet. We will replace our soil with magnets. How will the magnets all stay in…
Everyone always tells me that I am “Really good with women.” True, I LOVE women. They make me happier than anything. I love the way they look at me. I love the way the smile at me. I love the way they dress. I love the way they smell. I love it all equally and extremely.
I hope I don’t…
This is a video of my performance at the Holy Fuck album recording. It’s one of the best sets of my life. Enjoy.
The new video from WOMEN. LOOK AT ME.
I’m white, so I decided to go to Whole Foods for lunch today. I got a combo that included a slice of pizza, some salad and a soda. I didn’t realize the soda would be one of those shitty Whole Foods sodas, and if I had I probably wouldn’t have gone for the combo. I ended up getting club soda, since the alternatives of “Dr. Snap” and “Cola” seemed disappointing, thus defeating the entire point of getting the combo in the first place. C’est la vie…
But that’s not what we’re really talking about here. When I was in line, I was standing a considerable distance from the person at the cashier. (I don’t like to crowd people.) I began to notice that she was gesturing her head in my direction and obviously saying something about me. She and the cashier motioned for me to come over. The woman told me she would be buying my meal for me, because the last time she was at Whole Foods she lost her debit card and a stranger covered her. I expressed my surprise and tried to stop her, but she was dead set on doing this and was very adamant about sticking to her plan. I gave up on resisting and expressed my gratitude, which was sincere.
I was genuinely moved by this gesture, but my positive feelings regarding the human spirit were quickly dashed when I realized that now it’s my duty to pay it forward, as it were, to a stranger in the future. Great. Now I have to deal with this shit. Like I really need this in my life right now. Man, I should have just gone to McDonald’s. This type of stuff doesn’t happen there.
As a young woman I’m asked a lot of stupid questions. Most require answers that are deeply personal, and such, provide a window into the stunning lack of propriety that currently exists as a societal norm.
Case in point: no one would dare ask my boyfriend if he’ll ever regret putting his career…
Calvin Gets Laid
If any of you live in or near Los Angeles and like WOMEN, please come see our show at 9pm on Saturday. It’s at Meltdown Comics. It’s $8 if you order tickets early. You can do that here.
Last time was a rousing success, so here we go again. Enjoy!
Instragram announced that come January 16th, it will have the right to sell photos of you without your consent. The company assured its users that a vast majority of them would not be affected whatsoever by this new policy. That’s because a vast majority of Instragram users are ugly.
“The Hollywood Hacker” who leaked nude photos of Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis and others to the Internet will face ten years in prison. Wow, I know that America’s court system has some problems, but it’s just so heartbreaking to see a guy go to jail who has done absolutely nothing wrong.
“The Hollywood Hacker” was forced to pay $76,000 to Christina Aguilera after leaking nude photos of her to the Internet. Aguilera commented, “There is no compensation that can restore the feeling one has from such a large invasion of privacy.” There is also no compensation that can restore the feeling one has from listening to Christina Aguilera.
In Florida, Barry Manilow canceled one of his concerts in light of the shooting in Connecticut. So, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining.
In a recent study, the largest religion in the world turned out to be Christianity. Which makes sense, because the largest people in the world are Christians.
After their NASA mission came to an end, twin robotic probes crashed into the moon’s surface. The moon was fine with this, because the twin robots were really hot.
An NBC crew was released from their Syrian kidnappers today. When asked why they abducted the NBC employees, the kidnappers said, “Have you seen their fall schedule? Go On? Really?” [Bonus points if delivered like Matthew Perry.]
Speaker of the House John Boehner proposed a “Plan B” to Democrats in an effort to avoid the fiscal cliff. If Boehner’s “Plan B” doesn’t work, it will be the first time we see a Republican push for abortion.
In response to the shooting in Connecticut, Texas Governor Rick Perry said, “You should be able to carry your handgun anywhere in this state.” In response to this, the rest of America said, “Texas should secede.”
And that concludes today's lesson.
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My Favorite State of the Union Quotes
For those of you that didn’t watch President Obama’s State of the Union address last night here are some of my...
Everyone always tells me that I am “Really good with women.” True, I LOVE women. They make me happier than anything. I love the way...
I like my pizza to be wearing sunglasses.
I used the computer program Photoshop to make an image of a pizza wearing sunglasses.