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MY GENERATION IS GREAT AT MAKING ANYTHING ABOUT THEMSELVES.
I’m sure thats not an entirely new concept to comprehend…but I’ll lead with that for my dissection of the Louie Season finale.
But thats what art is supposed to make you do, right? Make you think about yourself? So, maybe, if someone asks you what you thought of the Louie Season 3 finale, youre gonna have a tendency to make it about yourself somehow, right? Ok, we get it and I forgive you.
So forgive me as I begin to make it about myself.
I, like Pamela, am a woman who uses her humor and intelligence as defense mechanisms. Dressing in dark clothes, using humor to emasculate men and pointing out the social injustices of being a woman are things I share in common with her character. They keep me from looking or feeling vulnerable. They are part of a psyche I’ve built up that helps me live the life I think I want. But keeping up these defense mechanisms can put you in some precarious situations. You get lost in a world of wanting something so badly but have no idea how to properly function to get it. This can involve blurring lines with people you want to get close with.
It left Louie craving the imperfect yet romantic “constant state of agitation” that he confessed to her at the flea market. It leaves both of them in weird parameters of intimacy; Pamela constantly makes jabs at Louie and his annoying crush on her, yet suggests taking a bath with him very nonchalantly; She humorously minimizes his other romantic efforts, but draws him into scenarios where he still needs her. It’s intimacy in her own way and her way only even when it comes down to taking a picture of her underwear and texting it to Louie, when he’s standing 4 feet away from her in the moment. For Pamela and I, they are all part of the warped social contracts we establish with others that, in our minds, keep us safe from being hurt.
It’s easy for some to make generalizations and interpret how the scene in Pamela part 1 could be considered rapey, but I really don’t see it as that. A lot of women see it as that because that’s similar to what they’ve experienced, sadly. But what I see is a scene between a man who trusts a woman and a woman who doesn’t trust herself.
Pamela answers Louie’s phone calls, she offers to watch his daughters and agrees to go out with him because she trusts him. But she won’t except his doting or comply in kissing him because she obviously has problems with what that means. Whether it means she’s settling for less than what she thinks she deserves or if it makes her look like less of a tough girl, she doesn’t trust how that will make her feel.
Saying that Louie teaches us “you get the girl by persistence and aggression which she will eventually succumb to” is bogus and misogynistic. A woman has to succumb to herself and be honest with what she wants. And that involves breaking down her defenses. Which is what I think she did in the finale. By the end of the episode does she look like a woman who wants to get away from a predator like Louie? No. She’s there in bed with him, perhaps wrestling with her defense mechanisms on the choice she made by doing so, but then disregards it and makes breakfast with his daughters. She trusts him. It’s trusting herself thats the hard part.
SO BRINGING IT BACK TO ME …(clears throat/deep breath)… I’m currently trying to trust myself with someone whom I knowingly manipulated into being with me, via a defense mechanism. He, like Louie, continues to put himself out there and offer his trust to me, and wait for me to return it in whatever way I’m capable of. And maybe that’s even too much of a romantic notion and maybe not the reality, but hey, thats how I feel AND I’M MAKING IT ABOUT ME DAMMIT. (also my therapist told me its important for me to do more FEELING instead of thinking, so again, thats how I FEEL, via permission from Molly Fasslr L.M.F.T.)
This isn’t to say that Pamela gets over her shit and her and Louie live happily ever after. For all we know, they could continue to live a terrible, abusive defense-fueled relationship with each other for years, causing more pain on themselves and others around them! There’s endless possibilities as to how this episode is gonna make you feel. But it reminded me to let my guard down and trust myself more, especially when you have people around you who trust you.
And that’s me, making it about me.
I liked reading this.
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#yesallwomen I did a standup show at isla vista UCSB one week to the day before the guy shot up the town. There was shock and the guy’s crazy “reasoning” came out and women EVERYWHERE just started pointing out the obvious things that women live with that men don’t and haven’t even thought about….
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#yesallwomen I did a standup show at isla vista UCSB one week to the day before the guy shot up the town. There was shock and the...